Wednesday, 5 June 2013

entirely useless facts you didn't need to know about me and never asked

I’m a vinyl junkie. When everyone else was discarding their rekkids to embrace technology I was pawing through the endless boxes at garage sales, boot fairs and 2nd hand shops back-cataloguing and discovering rare and hidden gems. I still can’t resist a dusty box.

I use pears transparent soap. It’s the scent that I’m addicted to ever since childhood.

I like to eat hot curries.. traditionally so, and preferably in far flung eastern destinations. I’ve scolded my taste buds on numerous occasions, but got high in the process.

I wear exclusively one brand of jox.. intimissimi. Super comfy.. and I like the way they present my package. Plus they come in lots of quirky designs.

My shower curtain is adorned with a rubber duck pattern.

I prefer the aisle seat by the exit. Extra leg room with a good view of the hostesses bums.

Tunnels unnerve me.

I’m almost entirely ambidextrous. The product of a lefty growing up in a right-handed world.

Size 34 strides, long in the leg.

I masturbate regularly, but refrain from unloading more often than not. It turns me on.

Vibra-ribbed condoms are my rubber of choice.

I eat red velvet cake once a week from a tiny independent cake shop where they make them on the premises and close up when they run out. Die for it.

My staple is rice. You can keep your bread and potatoes.

I once got the shaft of my cock pierced in the backroom of a bar in Guatemala. It was sterile, I’m not that stupid, just stupid enough to have it done full-stop. But the girl who did it was damn hot and I loved the way she nonchalantly handled my meat.. and yes, I was riotously drunk.

Taxidermy evokes in me, childlike fascination. 


Anonymous said...

1 - I’m a bhp junkie and I wish I were a record player.
2 - Using soap implies that you were dirty – yes, I’d like to give you a bath.
3 - Sure, curry is nice but I’d rather you eat me. I’m traditional like that.
4 - I’d like a photo of each design, please.
5a/b – I’d like a rubber on you in the emergency exit isle, please.
6 – Yes, and don’t get me started on long, wiggly bridges.
7 – My first thought was ‘I’ve never been with a leftie’ . . .
8 – Long in only the leg, Love?
9 – And turns me on, as well.
10 – Well done.
11 – See number 3. Die for it.
12 – See number 11.
13 – I don’t know what full-stop is, but it doesn’t sound fun. I’m sure I could handle your meat, but I’m not sure I could be nonchalant about it.
14 – Let’s explore diabetes with owls someday.

Cheeky Minx said...

Oh, bhp... You had me at ambidextrous.

I tell a lie. You had me at the Pears Transparent Soap that often graces my own slippery, soap dish (and the vision of your 'lather')...

Leftie Minx x

DanaS said...

a vinyl junkie AND curry lover. a man after my own heart!

both.hands.please said...

Ella you make me wish/want/laugh in equal measure.. Actually maybe wish more. I wasn't aware owls could contract diabetes, but the joint research idea is a belter!

So, Leftie Minx it is. I'm in a lather now just pondering that slippery soap dish of yours..

Yes indeed I am DanaS. Not much more makes me happier.

Your lovely comments have brought a smile to my dial, so thank you ladies. xbhp